The 'F' Word

on Thursday, 01 August 2013. Posted in Story of my Life, Vanilla Thoughts

The 'F' Word

After a long period of time hunting for work in Melbourne, My husband and I have made the decision and are making the move back to our previous hometown, Wellington, New Zealand.

The biggest downside being the weather, which is reminiscent to a vacuum put onto reverse and shoved up the bottom of a snowglobe, sprinkled with two months of the year that are actually nice, albeit still not warm enough to leave home without a just-in-case jumper, but what one could deem 'respectable' weather. Despite it not being our most favourable choice, we both determined it was the most logical, as how long can you spend waiting for work in one city when the job offers are practically falling into the lap in another. What was perhaps most interesting however, was when we both acknowledged it as the 'right' decision, at the same time, there was a sense of sadness about the whole thing, not just because of the idea of heading back to a constant 'light breeze' of 120kmph - though admittedly that still makes me shudder, but moreso because we had essentially made a commitment of sorts to stay in Melbourne post-wedding, and to now be up and leaving, leaves us with a feeling of defeat, like somehow, we are almost giving up. We have failed.

This made me begin to think about the whole concept of failure. Can we quantify failure? During school years and through higher education failure is certainly based on quantifiable factors. At school and University it's quite simple, you need 50% to pass. So how then, do we measure failure in our personal lives. Is failure not achieving what we set out to? I find this an interesting thought because we have really tried to make things work here in Melbourne, so it seems silly to apportion blame or failure to something we believe we couldn't have changed or done differently. Therefore, is failure not necessarily about achievement but more about trying. And then how do you quantify trying? To truly give something 'your all' do you need to be physically or mentally exhausted at the end of it. Maybe it's simply about no longer being able to see any way forward but that doesn't really work either, as there are plenty of times in life where we cannot see how to overcome something but manage to do so anyway.

Where does this leave us? Failure in the dictionary is defined as not achieving success, and this is where I find the solace I was looking for. Why is this comforting? Because we choose to define what our own success looks like. For some it might be buying a house, for another it might be waking up on a Sunday morning and sharing a family breakfast. But even more than that, our interpretation of success constantly changes due to a variety of factors in life, whether it's external uncontrollables, or our own opinions and thought, so to not achieve what you originally set out to do is not necessarily failure, it is about redefining what success now looks like. What does success look like to me? Well, I'm not sure exactly but I know it comes with windy weather!

I realise this is really a rant of rhetorical questions and snippets of what I like to think are witty metaphors, clever observations and beautifully composed alliteration - please refer to the start of this sentence for that last one - but I've said it once and I'll say it again, it's my party and I'll cry if I want to... No wait, that's not quite right, let's try that again... It's my blog and I'll write what I want to.

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